Why I Am Here

Whether you know me or not, this post is for you. If you're reading this, you've found the very first thing I wrote on this site. I'm publishing the website for the first time the moment I'm done writing this. But why? Why am I here?

For lack of a better way of putting it, I find myself trapped between the hubris -which is my desire to do, see, and create, things that matter- and the meaningless consuming nothing that hides behind the stars. We all die, and millions of years will pass after we're gone, and when the stars burn out, and the heat death of all is nigh, nobody will remember me, or anything I've ever done. It is all for nothing, so there is only one conclusion to reach: I must be unashamedly myself, unabashedly exactly as I wish to be, unburdened by the expectations others place on me.

This is why I am here, on this website. This is the first place I intend to be truly honest about myself and my work. Society does not encourage unashamed honesty, and I've never been armored against the judgement and disappointment of those that think they have a stake in my mind and heart. This is not the place for such shame and fear. Here I will speak exactly as me. Here I will feel no concern for the sensibilities of others. Here I will not censor myself or my art. Here I will place the work of my life on the altar of my own insecurities, hoping someday that the fire will be lit, and all will burn away.

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Litany Against Fear, Frank Herbert, Dune.